Friday, December 23, 2011

"Bandh Gaya Patta Ji Bandh Gaya Patta"

*beep beep*
I picked up my cell and opened the message
“Hey good morning,
Hope you had a nice sleep.”

That was my girlfriend’s text message early in the morning at 8:30am. I felt so good, like top of the world. She is so concerned about me; I am lucky to have her.

BUT!!! Wait!!

What’s the catch here?
She never texted me like this early in the morning, in fact it  used to be me who always texted her saying “Hey Good morning” (well all you studs out there thinking what a wimp I am, let me show you the mirror. You jack asses also do the same thing, you act all cool in front of your brothers but by the end of the day you are a moron in love, so shut up!!!)
This was an early morning mystery which needed to be solved. I was confused in deciding was that a simple lovable sweet question or a rhetoric one, trying to make me feel guilty of something that I might have done and now I don’t happen to remember it.

I immediately went through all the text messages that were being exchanged between us last night, and I realized the depth of the shit that I was in. If you are sane enough and can figure out the mess then try it from the following conversation between me and my girlfriend on text:

Me: Hey you were looking good today.
She: You didn’t notice my new nose pin.
Me: Yeah it was really nice.
She: Nice. That’s it. What about my new hair do, I am sure you must have not noticed it... Right?
She: Why aren’t you replying?
She: Have You Slept ?

Now there are some important points that should be noted here, which are:
a)    When your girlfriend puts “.” (full stop) after each word or after a line, then it doesn’t mean that they are good with punctuation it is clearly an indication that that message is merely not a message but a statement made by them and you are up for a trouble, and if the text is in “CAPSLOCK”… wohh!! Brother you are a dead meat.
b)   Never and I’ll repeat again ,Never ever sleep before your girlfriend does, that really pisses them off. And specially when they are awaiting a reply
c)    Do always check your cell phone first thing in the morning even before you go and drop bombs in your shit pond. Because you have to know how wicked is your day going to be.

That day I was able to pacify her (I won’t tell you how). That incident really made me brood over the plight of all the guys who are in a relationship.

Girls might think of me as a male chauvinist and guys might empathize with me after reading this post. I don’t care for anybody’s reaction. I am just putting forward some issues that we guys deal with everyday. To put it in a more simple Delhite language, “HUMARI BAJI PADI HAI BOSS!!!”

So to begin with…holla my fellow heterogametic mates, how have you been?
Been chilling out all this while, people think how happy you are; you got a nice girlfriend who is very caring and sweet. Loves you a lot and you guys are definitely very happy.
Well to those people who presume all of this let me tell you that the grass is greener on the other side. And in this case you guys are F@#$%^G seeing an Eden Garden!!
There is nothing to be happy about in a relationship. Yes love is there, BUT, like a rose it has its own thorns. FEMALE TANTRUMS, that’s the term, that sucks the life out of every single (pun intended) male out there. Its like whatever we guys do is a huge travesty for the fairer sex but when they are in the same situation and they end up doing the same thing. Its all justified for them. We aren’t allowed to raise any objection to it.
Take an example:

Someday (I don’t remember)

She: I got these new pair of shoes; they are awesome, am in love with them.
Me: hmmm…nice.
She: They really do go well with that black dress.
Me: Oh great… hmmm.
She: Baby are you busy?
Me: No No are you mad.
She: You sound like.
Me: Nah am fine, am not busy.
She: If you are then its okay, we can talk later.
Me: Ummm…okay…I was actually working on a project…I’ll call you in a while.
(she hung up)
Me: Hello..hello …helllllllllooooo…

(long pause)

*beep beep*
(text message opened)

She: If you don’t want to talk to me then you better tell me…I won't bore you from next time. BYE.TAKE CARE.

Some Other Day (Am still blank)

She: hmmm…so how was your day?
Me: It was fun… danced after a very long time.
She: hmmm
Me: How was yours?
She: I’ll call you in a while removing my nail polish.
(AND she hung up)
Me: Hello…hello…helllooooooo….

(a very long pause)

*nothing…no text..and no call*

So do you see the difference, two same situations but two different reactions. Yes we are F@#$%D Up!!
Why always it is us who are blamed for being a stubborn brute, for being egoistic?  Why do we always end up being the “Mogambo” of our own love story? We are being blamed for everything even if we don’t have any role in it. At the end of the day, we are made to realize that it is us who is acting childish and not working hard to make a relationship work.

Events like these whenever happen with me lead to a song that starts playing in my head “Bandh Gaya Patta Ji Bandh Gaya Patta”
No seriously it does, there is a leash around our neck 24/7. We have to play by the rules laid out by our girlfriends or else no desserts.

There is also an ace up their sleeves and they like to call it “TIME”. Yes, that’s the word. They use it every time we have a fight with them. If they come to a point where there is nothing left to be argued on. This is their “Brahmastra”.
“You don’t have time for me”.

I happen to recall an incident with me (don’t ask me the day or date… cause I don’t remember)

An important family function was around the corner which obviously would have made me very busy. So just to make my dear girlfriend not feel bad, I thought I should at least spend some time with her every day one week prior to that function. I actually spent that whole week meeting her, making her feel special. She was happy and I was obviously happy seeing that smile on her face.
Now comes the part where I scream “RUN”.
I was caught up in that function after few days and was trying very hard to atleast reply to her messages. In the end she got pissed. You’ll make out the absurdity by the ensuing conversation:

Me: Yaar I am sorry.
She: You always do this.
Me: But…
She: You are taking me for granted now.
Me: Listen…
She: You don’t have TIME for me at all.
Me: Please Li…
She: You never call and You never meet me.
She: When was the last time you actually met me properly?
Me: BUT I met yo…
She: Bye. I must be wasting your time.

*Do I even need to say this…hell I will

(YES she hung up again)
Me; Hello…baby..helloooooooooo…

“Bandh Gaya Patta Ji Bandh Gaya Patta”

It is true that we go through a lot of tantrums. Maybe that’s why they say it’s really difficult to understand or even decode women. Had Einstein or Newton decoded women of this world I would have had much more respect for them.

But having said all of this I would like to add that it is these trivial misunderstandings that give us an opportunity to prove them how much they mean to us. They must have seen something that makes them love us. And we do to (stop acting macho), and yes we do sometimes act as jerks … oh c’mon! We all know that what kind of assholes we are. “Taali ek haath se nayi bajti” we are at fault too. But its not about whose fault it is or was, it is about how much are we ready to bend for that one person we love.


Me: Oh really… how did you find it?
Me: Why are you mad?
She: If am such a pain to you then you should’ve told me instead of going out there and making fun out of our relationship.
Me: Yaar you know all that stuff wasn’t real… it was all made up…just to add humor.
Me: I am Sorry.
She: @#$%%^&*


DAMN! I included that last para to save my ass...sigh!



  1. Just a month into your relationship and you feel the leash tightening around your neck? Tch tch. Get macho, man :P :D

    I'm happy that you came up with another post so soon. Keep 'em coming :)

  2. This is something not related to the present is an experience that I had earlier :D

    And thank you..honestly you are my inspiration :)

  3. This is like "Ha-Ha-Ha!" Crazy! Makes me wonder how my bf feels about all this :P

  4. haha..thanx Neepa...and I know to find out what your bf feels about all this, you have actually shared it on his wall :P

    ps: m waitng for his reaction now ;)

  5. I've usually been a boyfriend in my relationships. :P

    But well written. Hahaha. Funny sa hai. Stupid crazy child.

  6. you are the brodara and you know it man...thanx for reading it :)

  7. hahaha....very nicely written dude..
    and yeah.... you gonna hear a lot of things for this from the female side..
    nice read!

  8. hahaha...ummm.. I hope they be a sport.. ;)
    any ways thanks man

  9. sympathies...


    i HAD a GOOD laugh!!!

  10. @Deepika: Well yes she will...and she knows that all of this is just made up by me..actually I am enjoying the writers liberty. Thanks for the read though :)

    @Geeta: Hey thanks for the comment...glad it made you laugh :)

  11. 1. I am the girlfriend. Pity.
    2. It wasn't the best thing to do to make me read
    4. Your perfect skills would help you to
    comprehend the above statement.
    5. No girl would ever hang up while removing
    nail paint. It is the easiest job ever.
    6. The supposed sweet end para really doesn't

  12. Though okay i must say. Great piece.



    Funny shit !! LOL

  14. @Stuti : You know you are the is a fictional stuff...everything in this made up by me ;)

    @Priyam : thank you..for reading it and above all commenting on it :D

  15. First read. Loved it. :)
    Though all of it is not true. :P

  16. @Samiksha: first of all thank you for taking out time and reading this post..glad you liked it. And ya it is not true at all ..if *ahem* you say so :P


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